Wow, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been here. I’ve been writing on and off, but nothing substantial that I wanted to post.
Today, I am going to be writing a literary analysis of a relationship from a famous Bollywood movie called Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara: Natasha Arora and Kabir Dewan. Natasha is portrayed as the typical overbearing, possessive, and overly attached fiancée. Her proposal was an accidental mishap that resulted in a forced connection between two people. Natasha was a promising young interior designer, clearly passionate about her work, and had begun a relationship with Kabir. Kabir was a fun-loving, easygoing “chill guy.” He was normally the mediator in his friend group. However, there was a secret part of him that really loved his independence and free spirit. So how did these two end up together?
Many would assume that the most pivotal part of their relationship was when Natasha crashed the bachelor trip, but here I would have to disagree. The most telling and insightful part of their relationship is the proposal. People always say that the problems you have at the beginning of your relationship, the ones you often dismiss because of the frenzy of being in love, are the most important. In Natasha and Kabir’s case, this seems very true. Let’s set the scene.
A notable fact is that the movie starts with Kabir proposing and Natasha saying yes, but the story of what really happened that day comes much later, almost near the end of the movie. I think this is because the director wanted us to gain sympathy for Kabir in terms of his actions throughout the movie. It’s Kabir’s mother’s birthday, and the whole family assembles for a grand dinner. While everyone is getting organized and seated, Kabir decides to show his girlfriend Natasha the ring he bought for his mother. Natasha mistakes this as him proposing to her, looks at her friend across the table, and they both scream in excitement. The whole table gets up in joy and starts congratulating the couple. Kabir’s mother calls him over and says, “You’ve made the best decision.”
As the crowd settles down, Kabir takes Natasha outside and asks her what is going on, clarifying that the ring was actually for his mother and that he hasn’t even begun thinking about marriage between the two of them yet. Natasha, taken aback, starts questioning him, crying, and wondering if he even loves her or is committed to her. She then turns to him and says, “Kabir, are you sure about this relationship or not?” A couple of seconds pass by as they stare at each other, and then he says, “You know what, will you marry me?” And that’s where the scene ends.
Pretty loaded, huh? A lot to unpack. Let me just preface by saying everyone is right in their own way, and love and respect to everyone, but Natasha deserved more compassion.
Yes, she was overbearing and possessive, but the key issue here is that neither of them were being themselves. Kabir was lost; he thought he was doing the best for everyone, but he wasn’t. His actions, or rather his lack of action, actually made everything more difficult. If he had just been true to himself and realized that this was the most important thing, he and Natasha would have been so much happier whether it was together or apart. He should not have pity-proposed to her, regardless of the guilt he was feeling, because it only caused more pain, rift, and bitterness between the two of them.
Natasha, in her own way, actually tried to give him that space. I know it’s hard to see, but when she asked him, “Kabir, are you sure?” there was a small but very significant part of her that knew this wasn’t what he really wanted. He was just doing it to appease her. she knew it, but she agreed because she was insecure. She felt a crack beginning to spread in their relationship and she dumped concrete over it, trying to fix it as quickly as she could, without realizing that maybe that building was meant to fall so that something new could grow over there.
There were things both of them could have done better, a hundred percent. But instead of getting wrapped up in the past, we should look at how we can apply this to our own lives: being true to ourselves.
Do you ever feel like you don’t know yourself? Like some days you’re really good at something and other days you’re horrible at it. Some days you know exactly what you like, and other days you have no idea. A constant state of confusion, not really feeling like you know, really KNOW, anything. That’s me. I feel like the one thing I’m completely sure about is my confusion. I’m always confused about my emotions, my likes and dislikes, my hobbies, my friends, literally everything. Eventually I reached a point where I was like: why? Please, God, why am I always confused? Then, after a little soul-searching, a little loneliness, and a lot of crying, I realized it’s because I didn’t know myself. I had no idea who I was…yet.
A distant acquaintance/family friend once told me, “You have a new obsession or personality every time I see you.” I remember being so confused (lol) and honestly just annoyed that he said that. What does that even mean? I got mad, got over it, and then later reflected and realized my anger came from the fact that a small part of me agreed with him. Yeah, I was different every week. Yeah, I liked a million different things. Yeah, I didn’t always stick to things. Yeah, I was constantly experimenting. Yes, all of this is true. But then I realized I was mad because I thought there was something wrong with that, that there was something wrong with being experimental, but there isn’t. Do I need to build discipline? Yes. Am I perfect in any way? No, no one is. Are there a plethora of things I need to work on? Of course. But am I proud of myself for learning about myself? Yes. It takes guts to go out there and do something new; it’s definitely not easy, but it’s worth it because you learn. And learning is a way better currency than money will ever be.
I think the point is: you should try everything. Try to do everything so you can figure out what is really you. Don’t put yourself in a box, don’t constrict or limit yourself to only a few possibilities, because there’s so much out there. There are so many people you haven’t met, so many places you haven’t discovered, so many foods you haven’t tried. There’s so much more to experience, and also, there’s so much we’ve already experienced or are experiencing that we do not appreciate enough. To fully love and appreciate all these things and more is also to love yourself.
You truly have to know and love yourself first, because you’ll never be able to fully love someone else if you don’t love yourself. Kabir didn’t fully know or love himself, which is why he let his engagement with Natasha continue even though his heart wasn’t in it. And Natasha didn’t love herself either, because she allowed herself to stay in a place where I think she wasn’t getting what she needed, in a relationship where she knew the love she was receiving wasn’t the love she truly wanted.
okay toodles, that was a heavy one, till next time!
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