what is a friend?
category 1
i think friendship can be many things but i have learned thus far in my life that the stepping stone for any relationship is respect. Seneca divides friendship into three categories the first category, a friendship of mutual transaction. this is a relationship where there is a give and a take, you give something, they give something and that is the basis of the friendship. he actually says this isnt really even a friendship.
category 2
category two is a friendship of mutual pleasure. this is a friendship where there is an activity of mutal pleasure that naturally joins you both together. for example it can be the friend you always go shopping with ot the friend that you always go to try new restaurants with. an activity of pleasure bonds you two together and that is was creates, feeds and stems your relationship.
Category 3
this is the final boss of friendship. this is the friendship of mutual admiration . this is a friendship in which there is true and genuine admiration for one another. its equal, its not just a surface level bond, this is a deep whole appreciation for the other person. when you see this friend, you feel an entire fulfillment in terms of how you see them and how they see you. they don’t have to do anything, or be anything other than what they are and that is completely and entirely enough for your utmost admiration of them. here, communication is clear, kindness is a non-negotiable and love is present. seneca mentions that you can’t really have many of these friends because it takes significant emotional and physical energy to maintain and uphold these friendships. now, they are not draining but to do them fully and right you must have a significant amount of emotional space available for them.
now heres my two cents. to be completely honest i still have so much to learn about friendship. but i thank Allah SWT everyday for the amazing wonderful friends He has blessed me with. i also thank Him for those people that i thought were my friends but rather came into my life to teach me valuable lessons about myself, others, and the world.
i am blessed everyday to have friends that i can go to for guidance, support and just kind of literally anything. these select few are my anchors through difficulties and my guiding light through really dark times. i really love my friends a lot and each and everyone of them are my teachers in their own unique ways. ive always believed that everything happens for a reason, but now i like really believe it. i truly believe that each and every person that enters your life, whether for one second of five years, enters for a reason. Allah SWT is the best of planners and each person He brings into our life has a unique purpose. a life lesson that i think has really guided me is just that. when you start to believe that everything has unique intrinsic value, your life changes. you notice the good and bad for what it is and everything starts to have that colour again. you know like that feeling you get when the music is really hitting, like that color. not sure if its making sense but it makes sense to me. anyways, when you start to open your eyes a little and embrace your sensitivity and let go of people that force you to get rid of it, Allah will show you things you never thought you’d see, He will allow you to meet people you never expected to meet and your life, slowly but surely will change for the better. the friends that I have in my life are small little fragments of virtue, that show me versions of life through their lens. together we make a new joint lens. good company and true virtuous friends are a fuel in this life.
i think two things are important in friendship, respect and honesty. respecting one anothers boundaries is critical and taking the time to learn important things about all your friends is also important. these are the people that are there for you, care for you and listen to you in times of need and it should be an utmost proity to respect and be honest with them. i used to think its better to always let things go and not call people out but i dont think like that anymore. the second i took a stand and starting calling out disrespect and unkindness, the way i saw myself also changed and my relationships started to flourish. be honest and genuine in your friendships and watch how true friendships stay and grow and others float away.
trying this new blog style and im liking it.
toodle loo friends,
till next time.
your,
asma.
asma halai's blog 