asma halai's blog

Hello wonderful readers!

Ramadan Mubarak to everyone, I hope this month brings you all so much serenity and fulfillment.

Today I wanted to talk about something that I haven’t specifically written about too much here but I think it’s really special. Anxiety.

I say special because although being anxious brought me a lot of discomfort throughout my life; it is single-handedly the thing that has also brought me the most growth. So let’s get into it.

Living in the times we live in now, I sometimes feel a little trapped. I always think that humans as a species were not meant to live like how we choose to do now. Phones, constant background noise, a hot new TV show every week, a new trend every hour, endless games available at the click of our fingers, basically just the constant stimulation. It feels like way more than our spiritual and biological framework was meant to handle. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

I always used to shame myself for not being able to “scroll” with moderation, or binging a whole new TV show and then feeling not so great about myself after. There was a time where my screen time was actually scary, I’m not even joking I would get those blue screen time reports and just sit in shock. Coincidentally, those were the times my anxious thoughts were really getting to me. Then I started to share these thoughts with people and realized many people felt the same way, but it didn’t help. I would still reach for my phone all the time during my downtime and crave the constant stimulation. I used to question why I was always tired, and then I realized because my phone “breaks” weren’t really breaks at all. They were just me replacing one form of stimulation with another even more potent form of stimulation.

It was my cycle, I would begin to feel sad, anxious or depressed and I started to panic. I was so scared of actually feeling my feelings I would sprint to find a distraction to help alleviate my symptoms. And yes, it worked. It got rid of the anxiety and then I felt better again momentarily. And then it happened again, and again, and again. Each time after the other it got worse, and at one point, it broke me. And I’m so glad it did. And here are the lessons I learned after.

1. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you.

This is a truth, understand this. You were created by Allah for a reason. Allah SWT created you, The highest being of existence created you. And He makes no mistakes.

I know it seems basic but it took me a while to really understand this, and that’s okay because I walk now with this knowledge imprinted in me wherever I go.

2. We have emotions. And we’re meant to feel them.

Emotions come from thoughts, thoughts come from perceptions and perceptions come from our environments and experiences. Emotions are a absolutely normal and fundamental part of our existence. Running away or trying to bury them, isnt aligned with growth and learning because to grow means to “go through”. I implore you to imagine “go through” in more of a literal sense here. The more you bury and resist your emotions, the more you’re actually doing a disservice to yourself.

Stabilize yourself within yourself and release all the perceptions that you’re “too” anything. Your sensitivity is a superpower, you can feel so many unique things, unique to YOUR experience. Don’t resist the emotions, let them flow through you, because they will flow in and out if you let them. If you don’t, I believe they might start to build a dam. The stress I put on myself when constantly trying to distract myself only proved that there was something I was running away from. Think about it, when you consume yourself in a distraction, what are you trying to distract yourself from?

That’s where you’ll find the real answers.

3. Stop putting yourself in a box and slapping a label on it.

You’re feeling sad right now, you’re not a sad person.

You’re feeling anxious right now, you’re not an anxious person.

You’re feeling angry right now, you’re not an angry person.

I know this is going to ruffle some feathers but hear me out. Understanding yourself and your emotions is key to understanding that you are NOT your emotions. The second I stopped identifying myself with things I didn’t want to use to create my identity, I felt lighter. I learned to respect myself, in all my forms, but not let one form completely engulf me. I think I did this by realizing I’m so much more than my anxious feelings, I’m my happy feelings, I’m my loving feelings, I’m my fulfilled feelings. And so many more. We all have our issues to work through and no one’s perfect, but theres so much peace in knowing your existence was never meant to be perfect and that’s what makes you so SO special.

4. Be kinder to yourself.

Talk to yourself in the way you would talk to your best friend.

You made a mistake, it’s okay. You learned and you can do better next time.

People think it’s being “easy” on yourself. I disagree. If you’re not going to treat yourself with love, care and respect, how will anyone else know how to? Allah SWT is Al-Ghafoor (The Most Forgiving) and just try to imagine how graciously Allah forgives us and sustains us through our lives. Forgive yourself too.

Learning is the best part. Always be open to it. You learn, unlearn and relearn. That’s the best part. Become in love with the fact that you don’t know much and you’re always learning. You gotta relearn stuff man.

There wasn’t something wrong with me, because of the way I was using my phone.

There wasn’t something wrong with me because of my anxious feelings.

I just had to unlearn and relearn.

Think about it this way. Imagine the way you were taught to use a knife always involved cutting your hand. No matter how or what you were cutting, for some reason you always left the chopping board with a few cuts. Overtime, you just assumed that was “normal” and you kept doing it. And your body and mind became desensitized to the cuts.

Does that make the cuts okay? No.

But does that means theres something wrong with you for your method? No!

It just means you didn’t know, and now you do. And the moment you figure out something isnt right, it is very very important that you don’t dismiss it. Take a breather, bring your awareness back to yourself and find a method that is better for you.