asma halai's blog

Sometimes we feel things we never expect to feel. We go back to places we never wanted to go back to. We run into the same patterns, same ruts we thought we grew from. All the hard work that we have been putting into growing suddenly feels like a waste. You don’t know where to go, you dont know which way to turn, and softly and slowly, you feel the version of yourself you fought so hard to bury, resurfaces.

So you let yourself go. You fall down into the tunnel like Alice falling into Wonderland.

but then something happens.

deep in the world of your miraculous imagination, you feel it. that little glimmer. the light at the end of the tunnel. the picture of everything you want, being so much closer than you thought it would be. That glimmer is Allah.

When I feel like there’s no exit. Like I’m trapped in a room that’s closing in on me with every passing minute, I remember the story of Musa AS. Musa AS was carrying so much. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. When I imagine how he must have felt, all the emotions that were probably building up inside him, I feel sombre. But then I remember how Musa AS surrendered to the will of Allah and Allah parted the sea for him. See, the thing with this story is, it’s deeper than what I thought of it when I was a child. This story, to me, is a reminder that when every door feels closed, all you have to do is surrender and Allah will open the doors for you. no matter what you’ve done, what you felt, any of that. as long as you surrender and let go, Allah will make a way for you. And once you get into that mindset, you’ll also reframe your belief to understand that Allah IS making a way for you always, it’s not just when you’re down, it’s always.

Remember, no lock was created without a key. And every locked door has a key that will show up for you when you are meant to receive it. I guess you can try and pick the lock, but there really isn’t a point in doing that once you realize the key is going to show up for you when the time is right. Picking the lock and forcing the door open may open it, but I personally think it would be so much better to leave the door alone, trust you’re gonna get the key when you need it, and go do what you gotta do.

I don’t write to give answers or to solve anything. Honestly, most of the time I don’t even think much of what I am saying makes sense. 9/10 when I’m talking/typing, I feel like the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. But when I write, I feel a flow. I feel a calmness in my mind, in which I am unafraid of judgment or opinions. I come back to myself and remember my intentions.

I remember that just my writing is the key that opens the locked door.